Past few months have defied all my long held theories about cinema and film making. No more do I watch films for pleasure, nor criticism, nor theorizing. I am not able to! I watch them for what they could be if I was behind the camera or what they have which I as a film maker could never have thought of.
Although this journey has begun rather late but I am thankful it began at an age where I was capable of doing an honest introspection and self correction of myself. If this had started earlier I never could have got a chance to live the life of a foolhardy, just too self aware and self important human being. Thankfully I lived that life a few years ago and therefore retrospectively I have now realized my mistake and am sure of not repeating it ever.
If on the other hand this journey was too late I would have lost precious time. Film making as a form of art per se cannot be understood without giving due diligence to the associated art forms. You cannot be a satisfied film maker if you are not visually observant of your life, if you don’t listen well to what goes around you, even if is a flutter of a butterfly or dropping of a dust peck, if you don’t have thoughts, ideas, meanings with a principal basis to support. As a sincere filmmaker you will attach meaning to every little thing that seemed unimportant to you so far and still does to many people. You look at life with a much different perspective where you feel as if you are travelling all the time.
Being a film maker is easy, but a being a true human being with ethical or moral values associated with your endeavor and an unquenchable thirst to fulfill your artistic pursuits is what takes efforts and time. It doesn’t happen overnight. It can happen sooner with some than others but will nonetheless take years. Artists are made not born. This sense of art has to be developed with sincerity for which you are only accountable to yourself. Age polishes art, but if left unattended it will rust away into doom. It’s a perennial effort to bring into fruition the proverbial “artist’s eye”.
I have just burnt my fingers into the surface of what seems like a giant volcano inside. It looks like a long journey, may be a journey to life, a journey to get all you live for. It’s not a trivial journey; it’s a step which will transcend all your beliefs, judgments, pains, sorrows, redemptions you have had in your life so far. It’s a journey to be the kind of human being you want to be. No trivial effort this is.