In the deep recess of my mind, I find that I have really struggled for the past few years in identifying with myself. It has been a perpetual conflict pervading my life all along. I know that I want something, and precisely how I can get it but another very potent force which is much more subtle but clearly overpowering all other forces seizes any constructive efforts towards my goals.

A good start is very important, most important in fact. But it’s the start which is most likely to go bad. You can survive few initial years with good start but it cannot ensure sustenance of well being. As a human, you will tend to loose enthusiasm and subsequently focus in your work. It is very important to learn from your mistakes from very early stages of your life because you don’t want to be making unpardonable errors at crucial stages.

Anything which lasts long and healthy gives a sense of success and achievement, one which justifies all the pains and suffering you incurred. You tend to feel that you could hold onto your cause through the thick and thin.

An even better scheme of things is when you constantly reposition your aspirations. As an individual this will give you a sense of adventure all your life. This leads to another very important conflict. Is it important to change your goals and never being satisfied with anything in your life? I sense that this is a notion which I have forced upon myself very solemnly – meaning I must not aspire to keep changing my priorities all my life and must have a point of saturation somewhere. This will help me ponder over my life after I have lived most of it. This will also bring cutting edge perfection into my work just like a painter or musician who becomes a master of his art and sensibilities. I will not want to keep going back to my past and always feel ashamed of myself for all the “acts of childishness”. On the other hand, I will not want to achieve finality, which will kill all my endeavours to achieve more and higher. This is a very difficult exercise one which demands absolute honesty on my part. How much I succeed depends directly on how honest I am in my self-evaluation.